Something Familiar

In the new terrible territory of a pandemic,

in which none of us had the tools to navigate,

we look for something familiar for comfort,

something that reminds us of the before days,

before the world was flipped upside down

and unfamiliar, novel things became our parlance and lived stories.

Mother Earth is the thing,

She is the thing that has stayed our hearts in the deep anxiety,

She has changed seasons to remind us of what doesn’t change in a pandemic,

She has remained constant.

Now she brings autumn with a cool Labor Day weekend,

and will soon be create gorgeous natural oranges, reds, and yellows,

a fire of autumn that can’t help but bring the comfort of

something familiar.

The Art of Mindfulness

Have you ever had the experience wherein you were driving home from a busy day of work/ school/ or other draining activity and you realize that you arrived at home, but don’t remember getting there? It’s as if the body went into auto pilot mode. This most frequently happens for me when I’m conducting my morning routine. Did I actually brush my teeth? I can’t remember. What did I wear yesterday? No idea.

I realize that this is likely a coping mechanism to allow the mind to rest, but I also have experienced this “auto pilot” to be detrimental to my everyday life. A problem arises when I start going on autopilot and actually miss living.

Last summer was an eye-opening experience for me of realizing that I was dealing with an incredible amount of stress and was anxious and generally unhealthy as a result. After some time reflecting on that experience, I realize that there were several things in my life which did not resonate with who I am, what makes me come alive, and how I live my ethics/ core values. During the summer, I knew I needed to take some serious reflection time. I need to examine all the “yes'” that I had committed to without much thought. I had just finished a biology degree and was headed into seminary, so I figured it was as good a time as any to examine myself.

So I enrolled in a mindfulness group. At first, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing and wondered what I had just gotten myself into. It turned out to be an incredibly enlightening experience. I realized that a great deal of my time was spent worrying about unrealistic worries; I learned to name these thoughts as “frequent flyer” thoughts. Part of the harm of these frequent flyer thoughts is that they took away from me actually living in the moment and enjoying it for everything that it was. By “living in the moment,” I mean actually tasting the food that I ate, feeling the joy of a hug, committing myself to a conversation without a totally unrelated running narrative going through my head, listening to the crickets singing, stopping to bathe in a sunset, giving attention to so many beautiful and good things that I have in my life.

When I first started trying to be mindful last summer, I literally challenged myself to pay attention to how it feels for a toothbrush to go over my teeth, how a hot shower feels, what summer squash & onions smell like cooking, to say a prayer and really mean it, and how a field of lightning bugs takes me back to childhood. Just like training muscles to lift weights, it took practice and continual attention. But it paid off for me.

For starters, I realized that I did not enjoy Captain Crunch at all.

And I really, really don’t fancy sugar in my coffee. No, thanks.

This is important.

Secondly, I began realizing that my energy shifted from being anxious to grateful. And I was able to gain much more perspective on things. I analyzed where I spent my time and was my time given to life-giving or energy-draining opportunities.

I think it also helped that I surrounded myself with folks who supported me in this mission and who also did this work themselves.

I still experience the “frequent flyer” thoughts and autopilot moments, but when I do, I am able to name them as such and give them way less time and weight. I feel more and I don’t let autopilot guide my relationships. This may seem small, but for me, it has been life-changing.


Have you experienced “auto pilot” mode? If so, what have you found helpful?



A Bird’s Eye View of a Tired Sojourner

Welcome back to the blog! I am both grateful that you are here and apologetic for having not written with much frequency as of late. Truth be told, I have lacked both the time and energy to sustain the penning of posts here.

My life has been consumed with finishing up my current degree program with some semblance of sanity, and maybe even grace on a good day. I have deadlines still which should be first on my priority list today, but instead, I am finding myself logging on to pen a new post. Maybe because I know this is a place which brings inspiration and joy to my life amidst a turbulent world which has lately reflected violence and beauty quite simultaneously, almost in the same breath.

This spring semester has required me to step out of any comfort zone I may have constructed for safety and solace. I have continuously been pushed, prodded, and poked into the arena of fight or flight responses. The arena which requires me to dare greatly. This is a place which fosters, no demands, growth and courage. And I am tired and frankly, uninspired.

I am sure that soon I will have time to reflect on what I’ve learned and this will help me practice the gratitude which I long to possess with regularity. Until then, I know a few things. I know that I am loved. I know that I have talents which, when utilized, are beautiful and unique. I know that I will make it through this.

Stay tuned. The blog is revving up again. I have personal and OEC posts. I have interviews. Sojourn with me this summer. Until then, let’s keep calm and share our bananas.

Grace…… eventually…

“When Jesus was asked about beauty, he pointed to nature, to the lilies of the field. Behold them, he said, and behold is a special word: it means to look upon something amazing or unexpected. Behold! It is an exhortation, not a whiny demand, like when you’re talking to your child— “Behold me when I’m talking to you, sinner!” Jesus is saying that every moment you are freely given the opportunity to see through a different pair of glasses. “Behold the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil or spin, and yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.” But that’s only the minor chord. The major one follows, in his anti-anxiety discourse— which is the soul of this passage— that all striving after greater beauty and importance, and greater greatness, is foolishness. It is ultimately like trying to catch the wind. Lilies do not need to do anything to make themselves more glorious or cherished. Jesus is saying that we have much to learn from them about giving up striving. He’s not saying that in a “Get over it” way, as your mother or your last horrible husband did. Instead he’s heartbroken, as when you know an anorexic girl who’s starving to death, as if in some kind of demonic possession. He’s saying that we could be aware of, filled with, and saved by the presence of holy beauty, rather than worship golden calves.”

Anne Lamott in Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith