Though I have a blog, I rarely use it because I am not so great at expressing my feelings in a public manner, or private for that manner; however, I do have momentary revelations, though they may be few and far between. And since it is the new year, I feel obligated to journal it. Thanks for reading…whatever it may be worth.

I have become incredibly adept at making worry, fear, and irrationality my close friends. This semester started off on a terrible note, a self-induced one no doubt; it slowly progressed into something more beautiful though, thankfully so. I think this, coupled with the fact that anyone who knows me will tell you that I absolutely cannot stand the cold weather, created a bad mindset in me…a hard heart, unwilling to be moved by her Creator in Heaven.

So there is the groundwork that explains my current mindset. This is not life. It is not abundant life that Christ came to give. What does it mean to live abundantly? Well…I am still seeking it as well. But I know it is not what I have been doing. The joy, the peace, the hope, the hope is abundance. The grace given to me every day that is, in every way, undeserved… is abundance. Giving that grace to others is abundance. Giving your life to a cause greater than yourself is abundance. Loving others above all is abundance. And friends, this life is too beautiful, too short, and too precious not to live in abundance.

It is not about living in misery for the things and people that we don’t have…for there are too many things that are out of our control. It has to be about loving amongst whatever and wherever we are. For me, its extremely hard to let the guard down…the guard that seemingly protects me from the pain that comes as a direct result of loving with everything I have. Love IS messy. I have learned that. And it hurts. Like hell sometimes. When you lose someone you love, there no magic salve that heals. But I will die believing that love is the most incredible thing that we can give. It is the most incredible thing that we can experience… because it forces you to forget about yourself. In a world where selfishness pervades every crevice of every heart, Love triumphs. It’s our only hope.

This is abundance. Its the kin-dom of God here on earth. Though I have done an embarrassing job of it this fall, I will live in it because its also called obedience.

I leave you with these lyrics from an old Newsboys song called “Joy”; I cannot seem to expel them from my heart or my head. I think they are going to be an anthem in 2010.

You give me joy that’s unspeakable, and I like it, and I like it,
Your love for me is irresistible, I can’t fight it, I can’t fight it,
You carried the cross and took my shame, I believe it, I believe it,
You shine Your light of amazing grace, I receive it, I receive it

1) The title of this post is referring to a lyric from “Poughkeepsie” by Over the Rhine